King Colin Holds a Feast of Blogpower (Or a Round Up, if you like)

T'was Pentecost and King Colin did call a feast at Camelot.
He did summon far and wide for the Knights of Blogpower.

T'was a fine and verdant day of May when the Knights arrived.
'Forsooth' said King Colin 'Tis seven summers since such a throng of worthy knights did to Camelot repair! Great deeds indeed shall be recited in these halls as the embers burn low!'

And the knights and their ladies did dine, on mostarda and Christmas cake!

Once the company was feasted, King Colin did decry 'Tell me, my good knights, what deeds hast thou done that have made the realm of Blogres sing with the valour of the sword, what deeds hast thou done that shall make men accord us mickle worship!'

First rose Sir Mutley of Bridport. 'My liege, I have found the Holy Aura! Ten leagues east of the Kingdom of the radioactive Howler Monkeys it lies, beyond the forest of Complex Office Relationships.'

And there was much rejoicing.

Then arose Sir Cafegrendel of Aus. 'The Golden Bean, my liege, is within my grasp!'

Then with bloodied torso, entered Sir Tiberius of Westminster. 'The Gauls are defeated, he cried!'

'Let us toast to that with a bottle of Valpolicella!' cried the Queen of Western Plain.

'Wouldst I could' said Sir Kori of Brus. I must depart before midnight to return to the dark side of recycling.

'And I' cried Sir Tome Paine 'I must cleanse the House of Commons of vermin!'

Then the doors of the hall flung open and there entered on foot, his cloak torn, his staff raised, t'was the wild man of the O'Donnell.

'Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! The realm of Blogres will not find peace till ye solve ye the riddle! One nut or two?'

King Colin turned to Merlin Wardman and asked what the wildman meant. Merlin replied 'The nut signifies the BNP. One or two signifies, do we have a right to know? Was the leak inspired by God or the evil one?'

'The evil one' cried the Knight of the Thundrous Dragon 'Tis of naught who is Knight of the Party of the Britishnational!'

'I stand by him' said the Knight of the Philosophical Pub.

Sir Bob Piper laughed and cried 'Let them be judged as they do judge'.

Sir Cynical of the Morning Star shook his head. 'Half right, half right, he said'.

Sir Guthrum the Wise arose amidst the voices 'I have seen the Devil's whore!'

Confusion broke loose in the halls as the knights reached for the swords, the unity of the table broken.

Sir Tony of Tuscany, that darkest of Sorcerors, took the chance to turn his lady into a car.

Whilst the Knight of the Investment bank and Sir Jeremy Jacobs decided to depart and find that evil cad, Sir Jonathan Ross, despoiler of the good name of many a damosel.


Indeed it seemed the peace of the Kingdom was doomed to fail until...

Who is this riding across the drawbridge in his green livery and his Saxon helm?

Which brave knight is this and what puissant deeds does he have to tell?

Tis Sir Grendel!

And the return of the much loved warrior brought peace to the hall.

'Sir Grendel! Where hast though been these seven months!' cried King Colin.

'My liege, I have been making my own Worm Farm'

And all did nod with wisdom.

King Colin turned to those assembled. 'Let us reflect, my friends of the great wisdom we have learned'.

And there was great rejoicing.