Duck Joke from Tuscan Tony

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£ 250?" she cried, "£ 250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £ 20, but that's the price with the with the Lab Report and the Cat scan."

Ta Da

Thanks Tony

Keith Floyd Tomato Sauce Inspiration for Welshcakes RIP

Welshcakes remembers a culinary influence.

Keith Floyd, author, flamboyant TV chef and bon viveur par excellence, died of a heart attack last night. I loved his style; the man even managed to die stylishly, having enjoyed a last meal of oysters and partridge with champagne. I had a Bristolian's affection for this honorary West Country man who opened his first restaurant in that town of my childhood. And what a "cook's cook" he was, rarely giving precise quantities, instructing you to "whack this in there" or "throw some of that in the pot", encouraging you to have the confidence to make your own judgements, as often as not with a full glass in his free hand as he did so.

A fitting tribute to Floydie on this blog, I feel, would be to write about some of my favourite Floyd recipes and so I shall do just that:

I think the first Floyd TV series I followed was Floyd on France and from the 1987 book of the series I was inspired to cook, for the first time, a chicken roasted with masses of garlic. I have tried many recipes for such a dish since, and many of them - their authors losing their nerve, it seemed to me - told you to count your garlic cloves and use 12, or at the most 20. Any experienced cook will realise that this is ridiculous, as the authors cannot possibly know how pungent the garlic is in your part of the world, or how big the cloves are. There's no such wimping out in Floyd's book, however, and you are instructed to use a kilo of the stuff. And it is to Floyd's recipe that I return again and again.

From Floyd on Italy [1994] I learnt to make tomato sauce and it is this recipe that forms the basis of my own to this day. In the introduction to this volume, Floyd writes:

"What is Italian food? Spaghetti bolognese, lasagne with coleslaw and deep-pan pizzas filled with culinary garbage? No. A thousand times no...... Whereas thinly rolled dough spread with chopped tomato and topped with anchovies and cheese and zapped into a wood-fired oven is heaven - you just don't need prawns and artichoke hearts, mushroom and chicken tikka pieces in a pastry shell and even if you do you can't call it a pizza. "

He goes on to describe what Italian food really is and I have yet to read a better description.

More Floydie memories here.

JMB Goes to Washington

I lived in the Washington DC area off and on for over ten years. I never did snare a White House invitation. JMB was able to have a look around. She tells the story on her blog.

We were very lucky to obtain tickets for a tour of the White House since usually they can not be obtained closer than one month to the date. Our friend arranged it through the office of the Senator for whom he works so we were I think considered visitors from Maine.

We fronted up very early on the morning and were checked off the list and had to show our passports and go through all kinds of security before we were conducted through a long corridor filled with photos of presidents lining the walls. As I said previously I could not take photos so these are all thanks to Wikimedia.

Only a few public rooms of the White House are included on the tour which is to be expected. But let me begin with a few facts about the house. It is the oldest public building in Washington DC and every president except George Washington has conducted business there. Although it has undergone many changes the basic structure, which was begun in 1792, has been kept. It was not occupied until 1800 when John Adams did so after the capital was moved from Philadelphia to Washington, DC, even though the building's interior was not completed at that time.

In 1814 the British forces captured Washington and burned the White House and the sandstone walls and interior brickwork were all that was left standing. But it was rebuilt by 1817 and over the years many other presidents have made structural changes to make it what it is today, including the addition of a third floor in 1927.

More here

Tom Paine: A Very British Death

Continuing our occasional highlighting of Blogpower bloggers, I came across this on The Last Ditch. Interesting and confronting reading.

I didn't know how to be more than vaguely uneasy about this story when I read it yesterday. Anna Raccoon (post linked above) explains from a position of knowledge and experience. If you are a British reader, there is a very high chance that she is describing how your life will end; put onto a "care pathway" (a euphemism for being deprived of food and water under sedation) by state employees as a form of healthcare rationing.

The Mental Capacity Act 2005 has been enlarged and updated to include medical care for similar reasons – to provide legal cover for Doctors and Nurses to take the actions they have always taken; but because we wouldn’t allow an honest debate regarding euthanasia or assisted suicide, it took the only route open to it – that of empowering Doctors to follow the ‘Bland‘ formula, and starve you to death when you were no longer economically sustainable.

It is important to note that food and water administered by a doctor counts as "medical care." As Anna says;

Dying of malnutrition – starvation – or lack of hydration – extreme thirst – is a painful and obscene manner in which to die. It has now become the ‘gold standard’ in end of life care. It has come about because as a nation we refuse to discuss euthanasia or assisted suicide in a reasonable or responsible manner. We become both emotional and obscurist, hiding our true views behind a cloak of carefully crafted language.

The rest is in the linked article.

Only a Dog

It was a grey and blustery October morning, half term, and as a house parent I had decided to make the children go out with the dog for a walk along the beach. At Whitstable steep pebble beaches descend to greet the waves between high wooden breakwaters. On that day we were walking along the waterline with a sucking tide falling rapidly – the sea green and grey and a surf that was rough and bounding.

I saw a plank in the surf, a heavy one like might be used for floors or for roof beams. In a second I simply gave it a kick and it floated momentarily in the tide, before the rip of the outgoing wave took it. In the same moment the dog had grabbed it and was afloat, a corner gripped with grim determination to return it to the shore. It was his game after all. Jump in the sea and bring back things. A great game.

In a moment the plank was beyond the end of the breakwaters, rolling in the deep waves, already out of depth. The little dog holding tight of course. And after that the rip tide took the wood. It was out of my control anyway but not of the tides. I was in the ice cold sea up to my waist then my chest shouting. To no avail. The water took the plank and its passenger – heading out into the sea towards the distant Isle of Sheppey. All at once the waves intervened and the sodden head of the dog was disappearing at a fast pace on his doomed vessel.

All at once a man was by me shouting.

“ I have told the bloody coastguards – bloody idiots – I said there's a dog lost in the waves – they said we cant scramble a lifeboat for a dog, its only a dog” He paused, eyes angry. I remember he had white stubble on his chin, and some kind of hat. The sky was silver and grey behind him. “Only a dog– only a dog?” Her seemed lost for words. Catching in his throat.

I was strangely calm. Already ice cold with exposure. Imagining seeing my working wife !”How was the day – ok -went for a walk drowned the dog, came home....”

In the leaping waves the dog is almost lost – up to a mile out I later learnt.. “Only a dog?” My friend is muttering under his breath. And as I watch there's one final wave and the tiny almost invisible white spot which is all that's left of the dog is gone. And for an aching moment he is gone. Then suddenly – a little white spot reappears moving slowly on the water between the waves. Unbelievably his course is exactly a reverse of that which took him out into a busy shipping channel. Its much too far for him to see and the waves too high. He's following his own scent trail still hanging in the air. Now. Imagine the strength to fight a roaring Thames rip tide and the courage to even try. And then against all odds . He is getting closer – now the children were in hysterics. Crying and shouting – he's been gone thirty minutes easy. Its a long winding course and he keeps vanishing beneath the surf, for seconds at a time. He is close and I wade out out to meet him- waves breaking against me. And as his curve took him into the land he suddenly spotted me and his tail flew like a flag - one final wag.

And I had him suddenly, surprisingly in my arms. Safe.

And My God he puked. Great body wrenching shuddering. He had always known it was OK, he would be safe, just find his safety. Of course he couldn't stand up and I was ice cold, shivering. I would never see him in such a weak and damaged state again until his last few days. We staggered home thankfully only a few short yards and lit the gas fire and placed his little person like an offering. And roasted stewing steak to nourish him and booked one of his few vet visits to be diagnosed with salt poisoning. And of course he did get better. He ate his steak and gazed around with groggy eyes, but the next day rare autumn sun warmed the day and he was up and about as usual – though he eyed the sea with newly learnt respect

The Budget -- My Thoughts --- Andrew Allison

I called Alistair Darling's pre-budget statement as 'Darling in Wonderland.' It was and so was his economic forecasts today. In 1945 we had just helped defeat Nazi Germany. The country was - understandably - in tatters. What is Brown and Darling's excuse in 2009? All we hear are the usual mantras: global recession, unprecedented times, global response, the UK is in an advantageous position to weather the recession, etc. What we heard from the Chancellor of the Exchequer today was nothing to help the British economy. It was tired and lacked imagination, just like the rest of government policy.

Already the IMF has stated it disagrees with the Chancellor's predictions. How a serious politician, holding one of the great offices' of state can stand up in the House of Commons and say in two years' time the UK economy will move from negative growth of 3.5% to growth of 3.5% is amazing. It is a ridiculous statement to make and is purely designed as a political gesture; vainly hoping the electorate can be conned into giving this shower a fourth term in office.

Assuming the Chancellor's predictions are incorrect - which is a safe assumption to make - what will the actual level of borrowing be in a year's time? He is predicting 12% of GDP for this year. What will it be? Probably more like 14-15%. And where is he getting the money from? Who will want to loan the government this money? How long will it take before he has to go cap in hand to the IMF?



Continued at Andrew Allison - A Conservative View.

Time to Catch up Post --- Age is all in the Mind

Not having posted for rather a long time - I don't seem to feel inclined but rather tend to favour reading all of my favourite blogs instead - I thought I would do a bit of a catch up.

Redundancy / Retirement
The saga of the official paperwork (or should I say lack of it) continues so I still do not have a final date yet. The departmental reorganisation has completed so I don't have any official work to do and am on 'Gardening Leave'. Suits me, getting paid to do what I want to do which is .........

Guitar Playing
It is improving my playing no end having some additional free time to get practice in
Current pieces under the cosh are Highway to Hell, AC/DC, Pride & Joy, Stevie Ray Vaughan and getting to grips with some music theory which I didn't ever think I would enjoy but is adding to my practical work. It's amazing how much better it is when you understand how it all works :-)

Golf
Managing to get out 2 or 3 times a week now instead of the lone Saturday morning round and boy does it show. I'm still nowhere near threatening Tiger but hey he better watch out, I'm coming.


Continued at Age is all in the Mind.

On Angst, Or, We Meet A Tea Party Protester --- Advice from a Fake Consultant

So if you're like me, you have been wondering just exactly what all this "tea party" stuff is about. There's going to be some sort of protest, that we know; but beyond that the whole thing seems a little...vague.

Alternatively, it's possible that you were unaware that "tea party" has recently become a word reborn in conservative political circles.

Well, whether you knew it or not, April 15th was indeed a day of protest, with citizens gathering for what were reported to be a series of grassroots events across the nation that was intended to invoke the spirit of the Boston Tea Party.

In an effort to find out exactly what is motivating these folks, and to find out what they are trying to accomplish, I took my handy recorder and captured a conversation with a "tea bag" protester.

We will review that conversation, and we will follow it up with a few thoughts about how this group of voters might impact electoral politics going forward.

Let's begin by setting the stage: the city of Issaquah, Washington (population about 17,000) is more or less 15 miles east of downtown Seattle, in eastern King County. It's a bedroom community, for the most part, with some light industrial and stores like Home Depot. The Costco corporate headquarters is located over where the old skydiving airport used to be, and I-90 bisects the city.

Seattle's eastern suburbs have been a good source of reliable Republican voters, and the Representative from the District (WA-08) is former Sheriff Dave Reichert (R-Ineffectual), who defeated Darcy Burner in one of the more closely watched Congressional races of both the '06 and '08 cycles.

Continued at Advice from a Fake Consultant.

20 Stupid Questions asked by Tourists --- Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe

via telegraph.co.uk

Very entertaining.

Crossposted at Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe

The Sad Death of Ian Tomlinson -- A Conservative's Blog

I have to say that I was saddened by the death of Ian Tomlinson when I heard about it. At the time I thought nothing more of it. After all, he died of ¨natural causes¨.

However I am deeply disturbed by the footage shown. He appears to be walking around posing no threat to anyone trying to get home on a bad day in London when he was assaulted for no obvious reason by some one in a uniform.

Whilst it is not possible for me to say whether the assault and heart attack are linked, heart attacks can be brought on by difficult circumstances.

That officer has now come forward, presumably because he can be pinpointed. It does him no credit that he did not come forward earlier.

The police do also need to rid themselves of people who break the law and give them all a bad name.

The state has to have a monopoly on violence, or else there is anarchy, but that violence must be used lawfully. I have to say that it does not appear to have been so in this case.

The BBC has this.

Crossposted at a Conservative's Blog.